My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
