What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
