I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
