I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So many bounce houses so little time
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize