I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
