Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
