The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
