Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize