oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize