sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
