It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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