I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
