R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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