mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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