Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
