any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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