Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
