Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
