this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A bitchslap is in order.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
