just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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