I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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