if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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