I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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