this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize