I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize