she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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