I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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