I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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