My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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