I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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