i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
