matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
