Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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