I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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