Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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