i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
