Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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