Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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