i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
