I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
