Your face is a jimmy john
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
