I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
