I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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