I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize