You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
