I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
