Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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