he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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