Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
