I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
