I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
