he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
