I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
