hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
