Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
