can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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