Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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