Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
