In America we eat man semen.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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