You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
