He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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