At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
