My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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