Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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