If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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