Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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