Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
