census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
