No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
