youre lurking in front of me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what is it with giant penises always finding me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
