So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
