i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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