loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
