in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
