Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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