Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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