Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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